Coming Out of the Shadows
by spottedhorse
Summary: Another  one inspired by Broadway music.  Hope you enjoy. Please review!


Musical: Victor / Victoria : Another idea from Broadway. 'Living in the Shadows' just seems to fit. And having the privilige of seeing Julie Andrews sing 'Crazy World' in one of her last performances of the show...well, I just had to find a way to include it. It is a haunting song which she sang beautifully.

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_Living in the shadows,  
Hiding from the sunlight,  
Hiding from the one light that might help to guide you._

Catherine Willows stood watching her friend and co-worker, Gil Grissom as he took in one more gruesome scene. This one involved a child, the kind of scene that haunted them all. But she knew that under his stoic exterior, Gruesome Grissom...the Tin Man...was breaking into pieces. Something had changed in him all those years ago when he'd been forced to replace Brass as Shift Supervisor. And in the last year or so, she'd seen him grow more morbid and grey. Inside he was dying. She tried to be supportive but he didn't seem to be able to accept her support as he once had. He'd taken a break, spent some time away teaching. It had helped for awhile. Then Sara had been kidnapped and the truth of their relationship had been forced into the open. She had come back, but only briefly. Something changed in her too. And now they were apart. Catherine knew Gil's heart had broken but he had accepted it as inevidible. She didin't know why he thought that he wasn't worthy of love; he just seemed to think it.

_Hiding from tomorrow,  
Hiding from the day,  
Only brings a sorrow  
That won't go away_

He had thrown himself into work. Which was exactly what he didn't need. But he seemed to think it was all he had left. Catherine wasn't even sure he wanted it anymore. There was no joy in it for him, only sadness.

_Wand'ring in the darkness,  
Living ev'ry midnight,  
Doesn't ever rid night of nightmares as love might._

The one time in his life he had chanced it; chanced loving someone totally and wholeheartedly...and it had been thrown back at him. Catherine wished he would love her like that...she ached for his love. Once she thought he might care for her like that...but she'd given up on those dreams long ago.

_Life is full of dangers,  
Strangers ev'ry turn.  
Living in the shadows,  
That's no way to learn...  
The more you learn,  
The more you seek,  
The more you find,  
The more you care,  
The more the world is kind._

But that hadn't made her give up on love. She was still looking. Occassionally she wondered if he could get over Sara, would they finally have a chance. She didn't know. But she did know that one day she was going to find love with a good man. No more Eddies...or Chris's...or any of those others.

_One thing I can tell you:  
Life should be your lover,  
Help you to discover your reason for being._

She stepped into the room and closed in on him as he stood over the small, lifeless little boy. Placing a hand on his shoulder, she whispered..."Gil..." He turned to her, one small tear draining from eyes of a lost boy. The robot was crumbling. "Let Nick take the lead on this one...let me take you home."

He blinked and looked as if he might argue but finally nodded his agreement. She stepped outside to tell Nick that it was his case. Then she took Gil's hand and led him to the truck. Obediently he climbed in, still the lost little boy.

_Soon you will be seeing  
What you're all about.  
Living in the shadows,  
You'll never find out.  
Living in the shadows  
I'll never find out..._

She drove to his place. Once inside she led him to his couch where he sank into it, as if he wanted to disappear. She fixed them both something to drink and eased onto the couch next to him. "You can't keep on like this, Gil. Sometime you have to let it out. You're not really the Tin Man, you know. You do have a heart...and I know it's breaking."

He looked into her sad but beautiful blue eyes and saw her concern. He knew he was a mess. He hadn't realized how much he was affecting her. Her heart was breaking too. He reached his hand over and touched her cheek. Tears began to trickle down her face as she sensed his absolute sadness. Her tears broke his damn and he began to sob. He wasn't one to let his emotions show but after years of tight control, he just let them out. He cried, he talked, he yelled, he threw the pillows in anger. He cursed and swore, and then collapsed into more sobs. She sat and listened and comforted and encouraged as needed. And when his emotions were spent, they hugged. And then they slept.

A few hours later he woke, still entangled in her arms. He liked the warmth of her. She felt good. He missed being warm in someone's arms. He listened to her breathing...it was comforting to have someone next to him, breathing like that. And her hair smelled...like fruit. Bruno, his bed company of late just smelled like flea shampoo. He missed the 'girlie' smells. As he looked at her, as if seeing her for the first time in a very long time he was awed by her beauty. He had always thought she was beautiful, but tonight there was something special in her beauty. Overcome by a sudden impulse, he needed to taste her. She was awakened by the sudden onslaught of his lips on hers. Surprised, she pulled away. His expression of guilt drew her back to him. "It's okay, Gil. You just surprised me, that's all." And she gently pulled him closer so that she could return his kiss. He was shy at first, not sure of his own intentions, let alone hers. But as the heat built between them, he knew that he had to know her...in every way. Standing up, he cradled her in his arms and carried her to his bed, where years of pent up desires and passions were consumed in a heat filled night of lovemaking.

After the passion was spent and the fires burnt out, she was lying next to him, wide awake. Was this real? Or ws it just one very needful night for him? Where does it go from here?

_Crazy World  
Crazy world  
Full of crazy contradictions  
Like a child.  
First you drive me wild,  
And then you win my heart  
With your wicked art._

He had been so intense, so passioante, so gentle and yet a bit wild. Not like anyone she had ever been with before. But then, he wasn't anything like anyone else she'd ever met.

He woke up a few minutes later. He smiled at her, still warm from her passion. He caressed her hair and gazed into her eyes. Gently he kissed her and pulled her close to him, not wanting to ever let her go. And then he remembered. He remembered Sara and how she'd made him so happy. How he'd opened up to her totally and how in the end, she had left him...crushed and empty. He couldn't do that again. He rolled over and quickly got out of bed. Slipping into his clothes, he walked into the other room. Catherine was stunned by his sudden mood change and could only watch as he walked out of the room.

_One minute tender, gentle,  
Then temp'ramental as a summer storm.  
Just when I believe your heart's getting warmer,  
You're cold and you're cruel,  
And I, like a fool, trying to cope,  
Trying to hang on to hope._

Finally, she rose and threw on her clothes. She eased into the other room and found him back on the couch. Again, he was sobbing. "Gil?" she asked quietly. He looked at her, his pain and confusion seeping from every pore. "I'm sorry...I just can't..."

_Crazy world,  
Ev'ryday the same old roller coaster ride.  
But I've got my pride,  
I won't give in,  
Eventhough I know I'll never win._

"It's okay Gil. We'll do this however you want to do it. I'm here for you, no matter what."

_Oh, how I love this  
Crazy world.  
But I've got my pride,  
I won't give in,  
Eventhough I know I'll never win._

"It hurts so much...Sara leaving like that after I...I never was that open with anyone before. And she just left...and I've felt so empty. And tonight...there you were; beautiful as always. You take my breath away, you know that, don't you? And I saw hope. But Catherine, I just can't risk that kind of hurt again...especially not so soon after...Sara."

"Gil, I've been waiting for twenty years. Do you really believe I'd leave now? I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here when you are ready, okay?"

His brow furrowed and then shot up almost to his hairline as shock invaded his features. "You've been waiting...all this time. For what?"

"You." she smiled.

His features softened. "Are you saying what I think you are saying?" he asked tentativly.

"I'm saying that I've been in love with you for a very long time. And it's not likely to change anytime soon. If you decide you might have some of the same feelings for me, then we should explore that, I think. But the ball is in your court, Gil Grissom. It always has been. It's up to you how to play it."

His gaze intensified as the blue of his eyes became clearer, losing the sadness that had clouded them earlier. "You...love...me?"

"Yes. Now what do you intend to do about it?" Her voice was firm but filled with love.

He looked confused again."I don't know..." and then his expression chnaged to something she couldn't read. "Just this..." he said as he leaned over and kissed her.

_Oh, how I love this  
Crazy World._

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_Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed. Please use the little review button and let me know what you thought of it._


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